Disgust
by HazelHibiscus
Summary: Russia knew America couldn't help his hurtful outbursts of homophobia; that it was just his bigoted citizens hijacking his body. Even though America understood why Russia wasn't and wouldn't ever be entirely comfortable with their relationship, it still hurt him. (RusAme; nation names predominately used)
1. America

Hey peoples~ this is just another random RusAme story from a random plot bunny that hit me in the middle of math class. (Don't ask me how learning about parallelograms is remotely related to Hetalia) The plot bunny is basically Russia's, then America's thoughts on the other's homophobia. I personally think it's everyone's one choice and other people shouldn't mess with it. So no flames please, especially if someone else already said the same thing.

Warnings: umm, not really anything. I hint at them having sex, but its really nothing.

Disclaimers: I _think_ I own the plot bunny, but I obviously don't own the characters.

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America

Russia hated when America got like this; when the ignorant and close-minded thoughts of some of his people filled his eyes with disgust. He was disgusted, horrified by Russia, by their relationship.

It was bad enough when the Russian would arrive at the American's DC townhouse for a surprise visit and America wouldn't let him kiss his soft lips or hold his scarred hand. All he would do is gape in horror at Russia's hesitant and awkward attempts at affection.

It was nearly unbearable when they were about to make love and his bigoted citizens took hostage America's mind. The American would flip out and punch Russia with all his strength; sometimes the Russian would fly across the room and land with tears nearly leaking down his cheek. It wasn't from physical pain, the Russian had endured far worse, but America was one of the few he trusted. Even though he knew it was a select few of his people who were homophobic and not actually Russia's America, his Alfred, it still hurt.

But these times would pass. A good night's sleep or a few hours away from the Russian, the American would be back to his affectionate normal. If anything, America was more affectionate afterwards as his way of apologizing for the thoughts of some citizens.

As long as his America, the bright and sunny man who lit up the Russian's life and made the vast, frozen expanse of his land somehow seem warmer, came back, he could deal with this Other America. This America who didn't hate Russia for any reason regarding their status as nations but because the Russian was America's lover. If this America came out during meeting, he would go berserk and spout off about the horrors of homosexuality.

Russia was the only one who knew how much the human America, Alfred, would cry after the hours of apologizing to the others for his uncontrollable outburst. Alfred hated that aspect of his country, personally he believed people should love whomever they love, and that love shouldn't be controlled. Ivan agreed, now only if Russia could comply.

When the Russian held the America in his arms just before they fell asleep, it was as though they were just Alfred and Ivan, the lovers, not America and Russia, the sometimes homophobes.

Sometimes Russia had to wonder why the world was so cruel. Why it had to make the one beautiful thing in his life tainted with disgust.


	2. Russia

Hey~ I got some reviews that mentioned the fact Russia's LGBT rights are even worse, so I added this bit to make the story more true to reality.

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Russia

If it didn't hurt so much, America would have found his situation with Russia almost comical.

The two nations had to pretend to hate each other or at least mistrust each other when they were out in public. Russia wasn't comfortable with telling other nations they were in a relationship, and God knows the hell that would be raised if Russia's boss found out.

While it wasn't exactly awesome to be gay in part's of America's county, the two nations do remember the jeering that occurred when they kissed and held hands somewhere in the Deep South, but it was far worse to be gay in Russia's country. Down right illegal in fact.

Russia's disgust at their relationship is more subtle than America's but ever present; however, the Russian only seems aware of it when it's at the most extreme. America's very affectionate, always leaning in for a kiss from his Russian. But most of the time when they look deep into each other's eyes just before their lips touch, America obviously see the caring in Russia's eyes but also the ever-present abhorrence that flickers in his violet orbs.

America knew his outbursts were bad, but they were rare. Russia's revulsion to their relationship was always there. America knew he loved the Russian, though he hadn't told him yet, but sometimes he honestly didn't know what the Russian felt for him. When the fondness in Russia's eyes was nearly overpower by the loathing his government felt for people like them, America couldn't tell what the Russian felt for him. Though he knew it wasn't true, the American could almost talk himself into believing that anything Ivan felt was overpowered by Russia's distaste; that he didn't feel anything for him at all.

America could only think of a handful of times since the start of their relationship when Russia actually seemed conscious of his underlying homophobia. One time in the middle of the night, long after both had fallen asleep, America remembered waking up to the feeling of being thrown bodily onto the stone walkway leading up to Russia's house. Thank god it was summer; the American was in nothing besides his boxers. American banged on the door for two and a half hours, yelling for Russia to _please_ let him back in his house. The Russian finally came down muttering something in Russian about not wanting the neighbors to see Alfred and correctly conclude that they were lovers. Even after a few years, he couldn't bear for someone to find out; it was the cause of nearly all their serious arguments.

But there were also moments, as rare and precious as red diamonds when both American and Russia were just Alfred and Ivan. When they could just love and hold each other close without the bigoted thoughts of their people getting in the way.


End file.
